SPOILERS!!!
So the WB, in its infinite wisdom, has posted the pilot episode of its new series SUPERNATURAL on Yahoo. This is an ingeneous idea long awaited by moi. After all, I can't be bothered to actively seek out TV shows to download and watch during lunch. I like to be handed crap on a silver platter. So in what is a rare occurance, I've actually seen something before you have, and I'm going to tell you about it.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you SUPERNATURAL!!!
Let me begin by saying that SUPERNATURAL will be airing opposite HOUSE on Tuesday nights. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Okay, so...SUPERNATURAL. Here's the plot: two dudes, Brother #1 and Brother #2 (okay, it's Dean and Sam) loose their mother when they are both very young. She dies when she sees some guy in Sam's room and then next thing you know she's on the ceiling and she's been stabbed and then she bursts into flames. On the ceiling. So Sam and Dean's dad spends the rest of his life trying to find the "thing" that killed her, dragging his two sons along on his "hunting expeditions." Now they're adults, and Dad's missing, and Sam just wants to go to law school. And Dean's kind of an ass, and they lovingly call each other "bitch" and tell each other to "shut your cakehole." And they're chasing after a ghost, and I think that's Steve Railsback making a guest appearance, and then sucked into hell and more bursting into flames, and Sam gives up the Good Life to go trolling on the highway with Dean, looking for Dad.
First, lots of people who worked on the X-Files worked on this show. It looks like it too: I could barely see what was going on. SUPERNATURAL exists in that America where Daytime never happens.
Second, it's written by the dude who wrote BOOGEYMAN. Did I tell you about Boogeyman? It was shitty. Xena's in it. Not much, though. So the show's kind of like I WISH I WAS ANGEL, BUT I'M ACTUALLY MORE LIKE WALKING TALL BUT WITH ANNOYING COLLEGE KIDS.
Here's the problem: Sam's way too ernest. From the beginning of the show he's whining about how he wants a "normal life," but we're never shown how fucked up his upbringing actually was. It's hinted about, what with guns in the trunk and the incessant bickering and the credit card fraud. But look, his dad keeps a copy of a photo of the three of them with him all the time even though they long ago stopped speaking to one another so he must still really love them even though Sam hates him for ruining his life, oh and by the way Dad's a raging alcoholic, too, just for good measure, but boy does it feel good to be back in the hunt and I guess I acutally do have long suppressed feelings of love and respect for Dad but I still need to go to Law School and Have A Normal Life.
Oh, Sam, Sam...have you not learned? NEVER turn your back on Family. To do so means the show is over, and that can't possibly happen so instead your girlfriend is going to die EXACTLY LIKE YOUR MOTHER DID and now your murderous revenge dovetails nicely with your brother's and father's and you go off to find Dad because now That's All That Matters.
I don't even remember his girlfriend's name. Hmm.
For some bizarre reason, this year's new Fall season is all about space aliens and ghosts. What's that all about? Think we'd forgotten The X-Files so soon? Trying to capture lightening in a bottle? Try to capture this and see where it gets you.
So what else did I want to say? THe special effects are kind of cool. It's just...remember back in the 80s there was this glut of shows about people wandering around searching for stuff? Incredible Hulk jumps to mind (I know that was the 70s) and The Phoenix and Starman and crap like that? SUPERNATURAL is going to be just like that. Only they're looking for their mother's killer AND their dad, so I guess that means the plots are limitless.
"Well, gots to move on to another town."
That's what this show is going to end up being. Maybe I judge too soon: TV Guide practically orgasmed over it, if I remember correctly.
The other thing that bugs me, though, is that it tries to be all down with the paranormal lingo, and instead they end up randomly pulling things out of their asses and out of Google searches with no context or explanation. That's annoying. I know they're supposed to be all "knowledgeable" and whatnot, and that Sam's really good at hunting ghosts even if he wishes he wasn't, but instead of making him look like he's found his true calling he looks like he's making shit up. Which he probably is.
So, yeah, this show's not much to write home about. Maybe it'll pick up; who knows? Not me. I'll be waiting around for my Naked Hugh Laurie Episode of House.
LL Cool J's on the season premiere, Tuesday 13th at 9:00pm on Fox.
I wanted to end this with something funny but I can't think of anything.