kpduty

The show was outdoors, at a small venue, which was nice. It threatened rain, which kept the temperatures to Just Below Hot As Hell. Since it's summer, The Huge University was out for the quarter and the drunk frat boys were at a minimum. When I last saw Toad, The Husband and I had to put up with dozens of drunk frat guys singing the wrong lyrics at the top of their lungs. It was AWFUL. Although there were two ladies behind us who would not shut the hell up.

Nothing pisses me off more than sitting near people at a concert who yak the whole time and then are like, "Wait, I know this song." WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE?!?!?!

Anyway, Toad was awesome. Glen Phillips, the lead singer, sang some of his originals from his solo albums, one of which the rest of Toad came out and played backup on. It was AMAZING. I wanted so badly to shout JUST RECORD A NEW FUCKING ALBUM ALREADY but I doubt they could've heard me over the women chatting behind me.

Of course they closed the show with WALK ON THE OCEAN, which is their best known song. Did I ever tell you about the first time I ever had an epiphany? A real one? Like, a realization so mind-blowing that it feels like you've been kicked in the chest? Walk On The Ocean did it for me. It was the summer of '93. The Best Friend At College and I were sort of fighting over a guy. This dude was a real loser, the second in a long line of alcoholics to which I would eventually attach myself. He picked The Best Friend At College over me, by the way, but looking back now I know it wasn't much of a loss. Except my self-esteem took a hit. But anyway...

That year had been the first time I'd ever seen Toad The Wet Sprocket. The Best Friend At College actually went with me. But anyway...

That summer The Best Friend At College and I decided to take a road trip to visit her brother on the East Coast. On the way back we made a spur-of-the-moment decision to visit college friends, taking the long and winding road back to The Cowlands. So for three or four days we drove around, dropping in unannounced on people who happened to live in the city we were driving through. It was fun and exciting. Until the end of the trip, when one of us or both of us made the fatal error to DROP IN ON THAT ALCOHOLIC DUDE WE'D BEEN FIGHTING OVER. Why? I don't know. It was pretty obvious from the moment he opened the door that he wasn't all that excited to see us. But then I guess he'd decided hey, maybe I'll get some, so he and The Best Friend disappeared together. I ended up going to bed, waking up a some ungodly hour to wander around the house and look in drawers and stuff (which was all kinds of awesome because they were INSANELY WEALTHY so I got to see some COOL SHIT). Eventually dude's parents got up a little before the crack of dawn so we all hung out in the kitchen and ate breakfast and chatted. They were really cool people.

As a quick sidebar, it was The Best Friend At College who labeled me "Parents and Pets," ie they all love me, the parents and pets.

Anyway, The Best Friend At College and I at some point got around to saying good-bye. Awkward hugs all around. We hopped into The Kelmeistermobile and started her up. I popped a tape into the then still-working tape deck. The first song that came on? Walk On The Ocean

We spotted the ocean at the head of the trail
Where are we going, so far away
And somebody told me that this is the place
Where everything’s better, everything’s safe
Walk on the ocean
Step on the stones
Flesh becomes water
Wood becomes bone
And half an hour later we packed up our things
We said we’d send letters and all of those little things
And they knew we were lying but they smiled just the same
It seemed they’d already forgotten we’d came

Now we’re back at the homestead
Where the air makes you choke
And people don’t know you
And trust is a joke
We don’t even have pictures
Just memories to hold
They grow sweeter each season
As we slowly grow old

And in that moment, pulling out of the driveway, watching the house recede in the rearview mirror, it dawned on me what the song meant. And in those brief moments, everything hit me in a flash--the past three years at The Kollege On The Hill, high school, leaving my parents' nest, all the crazy shit that'd been going on in my life--I understood everything with a clarity I don't think I've ever duplicated.

All that in a song.

And of course now I'm all about JUST FUCKING RECORD ANOTHER FUCKING ALBUM, WHY DON'T YOU?!?!?! Because no one ever accused me of being deep.

So that, Gentle Reader, is a page and a half from my book.

What happens in the epilogue?

Well, you know what happens to me: I get married to The awesome Husband, get fat, spoil my cats and watch a lot of shitty television.

The Best Friend At College made an appearance at last year's reunion I should have never gone to, which in and of itself is a horror story if I ever told one, and has since then dropped me an email and then disappeared back into the ether.

The Alcoholic Dude We Kind Of Fought Over is (according to the one time I Googled, *cough*) married, has a kid, and is president of a multi-million dollar corporation.

This just SCREAMS to be made into a Reese Witherspoon movie, doesn't it?