kpduty

There's this movie called SAW. It's supposed to be all sorts of awesome because it's gory and films haven't been really gory in a really long time. Plus it has a TWIST ENDING, and you know things nowadays are NOT COOL unless they have a TWIST ENDING. Because if you see the twist coming from a mile away you can tell everyone, "See how smart and COOL I am, I totally knew what was going to happen." And if you're an idiot, you can laugh and say, "See how stupid and COOL I am, I totally fell for it." So EVERYBODY WINS!!! So SAW was basically two guys in a room, yelling at each other and shouting into the air. And they CAN'T ESCAPE!!! And LIVES ARE AT STAKE!!! And limbs are sawed off (HAHAHAHA GET IT?!?!?!) and there's lots of blood and shots fired. AND THEN THE BEST PART EVER!!!!

THEY SHOW YOU THE ENTIRE MOVIE YOU JUST WATCHED IN TWO MINUTES OF HIGHLIGHTS AT THE END OF THE MOVIE.

See, the twist is this: There is a 'twist ending" in that the guy who was behind everything was actually playing dead in the room with the two yelling dudes the whole time. And the two dudes knew each other. And probably some other stuff that I totally don't remember because I've been too preoccupied with HOUSE coming back after the World Series. But the actual TWIST ENDING is that you should have been able to see the whole thing coming from the very beginning, because you SAW all the hints. GET IT!?!?!?! That's why you get the recap, so you can SEE the stuff you SAW that shows the twist coming.

Or something like that.

By the way, SAW is not at all gory. I'd actually been putting off seeing it because I was under the impression that it was super-gory, but there's a surprising lack of blood. At least till the very end. But I've seen worse.

Case-in-point: SAW II.

Oh, SAW II isn't all that gory either. It just sucks a little more ass. But it had Donnie Wahlberg. This time it was a bunch of people trapped in a house, but they were all pretty much running scared from a crazed Latino gang member. But, yay, everybody died, and we got the two minute recap and ninety minutes of my lfe was lost.

In my quest for a sense of CLOSURE, and also because these two films were bad enough that The Husband and I enjoyed watching them if only to complain about watching them, I talked The Husband into seeing SAW III. We haven't seen a movie on opening night in a long time. So that was it: buy Halloween costumes, get some cat food, see SAW III.

First, let me warn you that SAW III is a gajillion times gorier than I and II. I'm trying to think of something off the top of my head that could have measured up to it...Maybe HELLRAISER? The movie starts off with a guy with chains attached to his body, THROUGH THE FLESH, and he has to pull them all out of his body or risk being killed by a bomb and HE STILL GETS BLOWN UP. A woman has her chest ripped open (although they are nice enough to only show the aftermath).

EVENT HORIZON. This may be about as gory as EVENT HORIZON.

So this movie is really more about the torture. Everybody's gettin' tortured. And dude has brain surgery, which they show in its entirety, but I think i've seen crap like that on HOUSE so that part wasn't all that bad.

I think--and I'm not saying this to disparage The Husband's manhood--The Husband wanted to leave a few times during the movie. But trooper that he is, he stuck it out till the end. And he was not happy about it.

He should have been mighty pleased, though, because the movie was SO TWISTY that we had to watch a five minute recap of the first movie AND TWO RECAPS OF THE MOVIE WE WERE CURRENTLY WATCHING!!!! AWESOME!!!

So, just to spoil things for you, EVERYBODY DIED. And yet today they annouced A FOURTH SAW MOVIE!!!

I have a sneaking suspicion The Husband will not be so easily convinced to see it in the theater. If at all.