kpduty

I don't think I mentioned it here, but I'm going to see Taylor Hicks, American Idol Season Five winner, next month with The Husband. I quite like Taylor Hicks. I bought his album (through iTunes, which was a huge mistake because the damn thing won't burn right). I may or may not have a wallpaper of him downloaded to my computer. But my days of obsessive Duran Duran stalking-type behavior is long over and done with. No more magazines saved in boxes in the basement. No more jackets. No more buttons. Maybe a sticker and t-shirt here and there, but only ironically.

So today with a lack of desire to do work, I went to a fan site that's since morphed into his official fan blog complete with podcasts and whatnot. Occasionally they have free downloads, and if I'm anything, I'm cheap. So I'm really bored today, and start poking around on their tour boards. Just to see what's going on: are there special happenings at the venue, pictures, audio?

It's a nightmare about a room full of horny, crazy, fat ladies.

The women going to the show I'm attending are apparently all coming in from out-of-town. They want to have dinner together, but every single one of them is on a special diet, and have long, drawn out hard luck stories about the horror of eating out because of their special diets. They have purchased strings of beads for themselves to wear to the show, supposedly to show solidarity but much more likely to hopefully draw enough attention to themselves that Taylor will want to sleep with them. If that doesn't work, they're all wearing homemade name tags which may feature the slogan, "Taylor Hicks opened a window on soul" or "to my soul" or some crazy shit. HOLY FUCKING CRAP. I didn't think up shit like this when I was twelve.

The best is they're keeping track of where everyone is sitting, I guess to better position the gigantically huge homemade sign they're taking that says, "TAYLOR PLEEZ FUK US." But it won't be vulgur because it will have glitter hearts and pictures of kittens on it. They shelled out shitloads of money the day the tour was announced to get seats, and they're all like, "I'M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE, BUT THERE'S SOME BITCH WHO'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, SHE'S A BITCH DOES SHE THINK SHE KNOWS TAYLOR OR SOMETHING SHE'S NOT ALL THAT."

I was cheap and got general admission tickets, and it turns out GENERAL ADMISSION IS IN FRONT OF THE SEATED SECTIONS.

I'm in front of them, HA-ha.

GOD I HATE PEOPLE SO MUCH.

Maybe I need beads.

Or Prozac. Probably Prozac.

Taylor Hicks probably won't want to sex me up if he reads this and sees how big of a bitch I am, will he?